Pealing laughter,
Colour coming back into the world,
Plans for the future,
Late nights,
Early mornings,
Compliments,
Stolen moments,
Wishing,
Hoping,
Breathing,
Living;
Love.
.
.
.
-L
<3
Tag: poetry
Changing Seasons
The clouds come
Bleak as always.
The leaves drop,
The nights chill.
The coolness contagious,
Always calling to some part of me;
Begging me to join.
To exist in the cool, the grey, the bleak.
To forget the warmth of the sun
And the joy of living.
To drown in the changing seasons and to let them drag me under with them.
Will I let them?
Should I let them?
.
.
.
-L
I Wasn’t Ready
I woke up today,
Mad at the trees for knowing when to change their colours;
For allowing the seasons to change.
Gone is their warm green splendour
Turned a golden autumn hue.
Cool nights, cooler mornings.
Hellos, goodbyes.
New beginnings, farewells.
The sweetness of summer replaced with the crispness of fall.
The seasons don’t mind readiness, they’ll come and go without us.
I wasn’t ready.
.
.
.
-L
Anxiety
My mind spirals again,
Thoughts streaming around like smoke trying to find a crack.
A crack in the work I do daily to hold it all together.
But now the work seems as if mortar to bricks;
Fallible over time.
I’ve no leg to stand on.
Only one constant:
Anxiety.
.
.
.
-L
Thanks, December
I want to die again
Thanks, December.
The year weighing heavily on me;
The new one even heavier.
The sins of the past,
The mistakes of the future.
Digging myself out or digging myself under?
Time passing me by,
Life drifting on its way.
Here I stay,
No longer moving forward.
Always looking behind,
Stuck dreading ahead.
Trying to breathe through the fog I feel in my soul.
Maybe next December.
.
.
.
Hope this finds you well,
-L
If you are thinking of suicide there is help available. In Canada call 9-8-8.
Glass House
I feel like I’m living in a glass house; like everyone walking by me can see me falling apart, can see the hole in my chest, and can see how much of a wreck I am.
Because of you.
I can’t let people close to me, I can’t let them in.
They might take one look at my tired eyes and see right through me.
They might see all this pain,
This turmoil,
These crashing waves.
They might see it all.
The hopelessness of never seeing dawn again after this darkness.
The wishing, the waking, the wanting.
The waiting.
Waiting for this grief I live in to overwhelm me for good and to take me away,
Away from this glass house.
Hope this finds you well,
-L
Panic Attack / Through Me
I can feel this anxiety crashing through me
Like a tumultuous storm.
Pushing, pulling, raging
Through me.
Energy looking for an exit.
I can taste it on the back of tongue,
Acrid and thick like thunder and lightning.
Looking for an exit,
Building until it breaks me.
The waves rushing through me;
Tears from my eyes,
vomit from my mouth,
sobs from my soul.
Taking my breath away, the weight sitting on my chest.
Anxiety turned to panic and back again,
As the waves recede.
The seas remain unsettled and the clouds hang thickly, waiting to build again and
Storm
Through me.
Hope this finds you well,
-L
Homesick
Home to me was never a place,
Always a feeling.
I let you in and
Then
Home had a center again.
It had its own gravitational pull.
I wanted to be home all the time.
Without you in my life,
Except for one month out of the year,
Wanting to go home becomes excruciating.
I want to go home.
Since home became a person,
I’ve never truly had a home.
I still have yet to find one,
My mind and body still yearning for you;
For home.
Hope this finds you well,
-L
Surrender
My raggedy heart beats against the shores of my chest,
Beaten by the waves of you.
Tide in; tide out.
Riding the waves,
Waving for surrender.
But you don’t see the white.
Worn, torn, tired.
Steady and relentless in all the best and worst ways.
Never taking it easy on my raggedy heart.
I’ll be ready when you are.
Hope this finds you well,
-L
Miss Me Less
You miss me. I can hear it in your voice.
Every time you wish me kisses for my birthday, are you wishing me yours?
Will this tether we have ever let us go?
I need to breathe in September.
Missing you while awake and while sleeping won’t let me.
I miss you too.
That’s the great divide.
September comes yearly and with it comes you.
Miss me less next year.
Hope this finds you well,
-L
Sight Unseen 