Grandma’s Kitchen

Over the Christmas break, I finally had some time to spend with my grandma. I don’t spend as much time with her as I’d like to. My grandma is one of my very favourite people and we are quite close. She was chief babysitter for my siblings and I, we spent a large chunk of our time at her house- it was definitely our second home. One of our favourite things to do was to make “messes” in grandma’s kitchen. We would each wear the aprons grandma made for us, and she would let us add any ingredient we wanted to our bowls, and then we’d bake it. And I mean any ingredient- picture: coffee grounds, juice crystals, flour, salt, eggs, powdered milk, sprinkles, baking soda, sugar, crushed crackers, and baking powder, and any quantity of each. This would lead to funny-coloured miniature cakes that we then proceeded to foist upon our loving father, who suffered through many concoctions all the while telling his beaming children that they were delicious.

I still cook with this air of throwing things together much as I did then, whether this is due to my impatient nature or experience in grandma’s kitchen, I do not know. I can’t be bothered to measure ingredients, nor to follow a recipe. If I have something in mind I’ll turn to Pinterest, look at a couple recipes, and use pieces of each one to come up with my final dish. Have no fear, I don’t bake- too much preciseness is needed. I love to make casseroles, soups, and saucy dishes where give and take is totally acceptable.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve heard grandma talk about homemade cottage cheese perogies, called Wereneki(ver-REN-e-kah). Grandma comes from a Mennonite family and is fluent in Low German. She would make them, but since the kids didn’t like cottage cheese, we never tried them and she cooked store-bought perogies for us. Even though I never tried them, I was always curious.

Another way grandma kept us occupied at her house was by telling us stories from when she and grandpa were young or when they were our age; one grandma told us was about grandpa’s Aunt. She lived in her own home, at 104, the only concession to her age was having home care come in and lend a hand. When the home care lady stopped in one day, she asked Auntie what she’d had for dinner. Auntie replied that she’d had perogies. The home care lady asked where she’d bought them as she wasn’t satisfied with the ones she’d bought. Auntie scoffed at her and said that she didn’t buy them, she’d made them. So at 104 years old, Auntie had made perogies for her dinner and cleaned up after- all of which is no small chore.  Grandpa’s family was English, but even they made homemade perogies.

I’d mentioned to my mom about how much I’d love to learn to make them. Now that I’m old enough to appreciate history and tradition, I wanted to spend more time with Grandma as I love learning from her. My grandma is now 87. She fell and broke her hip this past summer so she walks with a cane, she no longer lives in her farmhouse but lives in a granny suite built for her, attached to my mom’s house. She can’t see hardly anything and doesn’t drive herself. She has recently taken up knitting, which she hadn’t done in many years, claiming she can knit without having to see. She can’t read recipes anymore since the printing is notoriously small, so I knew she would appreciate the help and the lesson.

So one afternoon, mom had picked up the cottage cheese we needed from the city, and I came over to spend time, once again, in grandma’s kitchen. Once we’d mixed the filling and the ingredients for the dough could no longer be stirred with a spoon, it was time to get my hands dirty. As I began kneading the dough, grandma, mom, and I realized that I was already covered with flour and that there was going to be more flour involved. Grandma suggested an apron and went to the closet to get one. Mom went to her house and retrieved the one grandma had made for me more than a decade ago. The apron grandma came out with was her mother’s apron, my great-grandma Heppner’s. It was the classic blue gingham embroidered with flowers. She explained that even her brother wore it for many years to carve turkey for her family’s Christmas and Thanksgiving. I put it on, and when mom returned, she wore my apron since we were now working together. I was stretching and filling the dough circles and mom was rolling the dough and cutting circles.

 

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The ones I made were a little misshapen but I’m sure that will improve with practice.

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Traditionally, Wareneki are boiled and then served with farmer sausage and cream gravy. Once they were done we let them rest for a while and then threw them in the pot of boiling water. For the cream gravy, grandma soured some cream, we added black pepper, salt, and cooked it in a frying pan until it had thickened. Mom fried the farmer sausage, cooked some veggies, and we were done.

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Before this, I hadn’t actually tried cottage cheese perogies because I don’t like cottage cheese. After spending all afternoon making them, the anticipation was too high so I couldn’t resist trying them. They were delicious! Now we’re planning a perogy making day for February break when we’re all home. My siblings are relatively picky eaters so we’ll also have other fillings besides the cottage cheese; this way we can spend time together and they can also learn.

I’m thinking I’ll make perogies quite often now that I know how- they aren’t too difficult and once you know how they really don’t take that much time. Some of the best perogies I’ve tried were filled with Saskatoon berries, so I’m excited to try some of those!

Another thing grandma made with the dry cottage cheese were cottage cheese pancakes called Glums Koki. You add eggs, flour, salt and pepper to make a batter and then fry until golden on both sides. Grandma eats hers with cracked black pepper on top, I prefer them with syrup and grandma thinks I’m a crazy person. I took home some leftover cottage cheese and gladly had these for supper the next day. Here’s the recipe:

     Glums Koki

  • 12oz dry cottage cheese
  • 4 eggs
  • 1/2 C flour
  • Salt and Pepper
  • Combine all ingredients, drop by spoonful into a hot frying pan with butter, fry until golden.

I know a fair bit about the history and traditions on my dad’s Swedish side, but not so many from my mom’s German side. This was one of my most favourite afternoons.

Hope this finds you well,

-L

Hope and Sparkle

I hadn’t felt any sparkle in a very long time. Not the sparkle of joy, the sparkle of love, not even the sparkle of hope. No hope for the future, no hope for today, and certainly no hope for myself. My life has been awash in grey, different shades of grey, but still gloomy and monotone for so long. I can see joy and recognize it in others, I can see their sparkle and be envious of it, but try as I may I cannot generate that same sparkle in me. At least, until today.

You came with me to my appointment the other day, you came with me for blood work, and you came with me again today. You sat patiently by my side and prompted responses from me when needed. The doctor was terrible, and when she blindsided me by asking me to give myself a diagnosis, you were there. You sat as I haltingly stuttered the textbook symptoms of depression.

You see, I’ve lived with it so long I couldn’t identify them in myself anymore. I’m not sure I remember what it feels like to not be depressed and to not be living behind the invisible wall my mind has constructed. If I was handed a list of symptoms I’m sure I could pick out which ones I notice in my life but I’ve learned that they are just part of life for me. Not wanting to get out of bed and not having the energy for it is normal for me. Days go by where I realize I’ve been zombie walking through life without feeling a single thing. Nights where I’m up all night with maybe 2 hours of sleep are the norm. Needing caffeine to function during the day and alcohol to love myself in the evenings is just what I do. Negative self-talk is my inner monologue, there is no reprieve.

You sat me down after another night of being up late with me and you told me you were going to book an appointment with a doctor for me. You said that you would call, you would book the appointment, you would drive me there, and you would sit with me. You knew I wouldn’t if I had to do it myself, and you were right. And I am ever so grateful that you were.

You have that sparkle that I wish I could find in myself. It speaks of hard work and determination, it speaks of selflessness and a heart of gold, it speaks of love and laughter, and now it speaks of our friendship. You’ve been telling me over the last couple days how proud you are of me, how I deserve to get better, how life can be so much more, and how there is a future beyond this current struggle. I could see you shining.

Today after going again to the doctor and then to the pharmacy, I finally have the medication we’ve been working towards getting for me. I know I’ve taken it before. Part of me still believes that I don’t deserve to get better, but today I can feel a sparkle. It’s a small sparkle, I don’t think anybody can see it but me. It’s a sparkle of hope. It’s hope that maybe I can get better, that I can feel the love people are showing me; hope that I can laugh with others around me and truly take part of the joy.

So love, keep sparkling.

It’s starting to rub off on me, I can feel that I have hope to one day sparkle with you. Imagine how much good we could do and how bright our days would be. There are so many more sparkles for us to discover along the way. Today I’m settling for the sparkle of hope.

Hope this finds you well,

-L

PS: If anyone is having these feelings, please reach out. You don’t have to be alone. Find friends or family, or talk to the good people over at Random Acts

via Daily Prompt: Sparkle