sight_unseen
I can’t wait for you anymore.
Not in dreams,
In sleeping,
Not at midnight.
Yet still, I will.
For you, I’d wait an eternity,
For our inevitability- forever.
You’re that missing piece of my soul so how could any wait be too long?
How could I not wait when you keep coming back to me?
I’ll be there.
I’ll meet you at midnight.
I’ll keep waiting.
.
.
.
Hope this finds you well,
-L
Here you are again,
Meeting me in dreams.
Dreams that try to blur reality
But the harshness of daylight takes no prisoners.
Meeting you in dreams,
Again,
Feels like finally being able to breathe;
Feels like the missing piece of my soul has clicked back into place.
It’s better than any high a drug could offer me.
It’s because I’ve never loved anyone as much as I loved that boy, that you, that us.
Love that strong lingers and now spans decades.
Hopefully it reaches across dimensions and lifetimes to others where we stay together and the fates are kinder to us.
Dreaming you,
Again,
Is a sweet torture unlike any other.
Midnight texts from you feel similar.
Wishing, always wishing, that goodbye could have meant forever and that we wouldn’t have entered this limbo.
Wishing that reality wasn’t so harsh that my subconscious pulls you to me to soothe my ragged edges and give me comfort I find only in dreaming of you,
Again.
.
.
.
Hope this finds you well,
-L
Is it killing me quickly or killing me slowly?
Killing me,
Regardless.
Squeezing the air from my lungs,
Dulling all colours to grey;
Killing me.
How long can I go without breathing full breaths?
How much longer without a good night’s rest?
My soul slowly being dragged down to the dirt as the last of my breath leaves me.
Leaving only this ache in my chest,
Killing me.
.
.
.
Hope this finds you well,
-L
There are resources available if you are thinking of suicide or self harm : https://findahelpline.com
Even my tired brain stays awake to think of you.
With you.
Without you.
What my life has been and what it could have been.
Thinking of full moons and you.
Awake and sleeping- dreaming.
Always of you.
Always in the fall.
Wishing for and hating goodbye.
I’m tired of this life, of you, of life without you.
So tired of dreaming.
Hope this finds you well,
-L
A dream I have every so often is a reunion with you.
We’re both 18.
It feels like we’ve found a spot where the film between lifetimes and dimensions is so thin that we’ve slipped through.
I look across to the passenger seat of my old car and there you are.
It feels like yesterday; your hug feels like it’s today. The ache I feel is gone and the piece missing from my soul has clicked back into place. I can breathe again. Never has any hug felt so good and I can’t imagine another one ever will.
Waking without you is either the most searing pain or like the calm after the storm. I never know which it’ll be and still I’d dream this dream one thousand times.
Maybe I already have.
Until the next lifetime, I’ll be seeing you; dreaming you.
Hope this finds you well,
-L
I’d cut September out of the year like I’d cut this heart out of my chest and give it back to you.
I’m tired of aching.
Even one month is too long.
This missing and longing is nine years too late.
Waking,
Sleeping,
Dreaming,
Missing.
Take it away.
Take September, you can have it.
I’ve had plenty without you now but still my heart forgets this fact.
Let me have my heart back- it beats in your chest as this one does for you.
Let’s exchange hearts and you keep September.
Hope this finds you well,
-L
You miss me. I can hear it in your voice.
Every time you wish me kisses for my birthday, are you wishing me yours?
Will this tether we have ever let us go?
I need to breathe in September.
Missing you while awake and while sleeping won’t let me.
I miss you too.
That’s the great divide.
September comes yearly and with it comes you.
Miss me less next year.
Hope this finds you well,
-L
It’s a wonder; here I am again and so is September.
My heart beats for you and for melancholy even in my sleep.
I’m restless and homesick with memories of you.
You messaged again, consistency.
I can’t help but miss you and miss me too. I’ve lost who I am and who I was but you know me. Message some more and maybe you’ll bring me back to myself.
I can’t still my thoughts or my dreams except to drag this pen across paper and hope the words convey the nostalgia.
My heart feels bruised again.
I’ll probably be right here, with dreams and a pen, every September; writing again.
Hope this finds you well,
-L
I can’t control dreams,
But if I could,
I would steer them away from you.
I have no desire to dream of utopia but wake and live in reality.
Dreams bring me to you, to us; to our other dimension, as we used to say.
The dreams aren’t real but the feelings I awake with sure are.
If I can only have moments of you in dreams, perhaps I should stay asleep so I can keep dreaming.
Alas, I cannot control dreams.
.
.
.
Hope this finds you well,
-L
Darkness recognizes darkness.
That’s my theory on why I can’t seem to sleep until it’s light out.
While lying awake at night, I relish the thoughts of just going for a drive, going for late night/early morning McDonald’s, going out and about in the stillest of hours. At night it feels like I can do anything or be anyone.
Yet, as much as my bed often feels like a refuge, it feels like it has walls closing in as soon as the light begins to fade. Walls close in as the darkness quickens.
Sleep never comes easy at night but as the dawn breaks, I’m able to drift away securely.
The darkness in my mind and in my heart recognizes darkness and waits to conquer me once I close my eyes.
Half of this battle is working my entire life around this. In that, I have succeeded. I have worked one entire year of night shifts and have slept soundly during the daylight.
The darkness has all but put out my light.
How can darkness be at once still and freeing, yet heavy and suffocating?
I’m tired of the dark but it still feels safer, though only while awake.
I wish and wish for that eternal darkness where there is no need to worry about waking or sleeping; about dawn or dusk. For that I would go to sleep gladly, even in the night.
.
.
.
Hope this finds you well,
-L
Sight Unseen 